umbilical residue

apparition

2011-11-12T19:38:00.004+08:00

as i lie on the ground
i could feel the wind's mild graze
and when the air wraps around
it is no less than your embrace

as i lie on the ground
i look up into space
and as the stars shift around
it forms the shape of your face

i wish i was there
where i could be with the wind
and always stare into space

submission

2011-11-10T23:11:00.001+08:00

I let my guards down when im around you

j.m.i

2011-11-04T11:39:00.002+08:00

if one day we become strangers
i'd only hope u'd remember the blood that binds us
and forgive me for being the brief, gray, moment i was...

bigotry

2011-10-24T01:57:00.003+08:00

i want to be where the air is purple
the clouds with a little shade of black is purple
where the water is purple
and the ripples on the purple waters are purple
where the bow and stern and sails are all purple
heading nowhere

consent

2011-10-16T19:14:00.000+08:00

let it be my hands that hold
so it would be less easy to let go

I promise

purposes

2011-09-06T16:54:00.000+08:00

each time your name surfaces
a gladden smile would surely follow
and those moments with you that i brood
would fill the woes that left me hollow

for you are joy
shorn yet more than sufficing
brief yet truely elating

the makeshift transit

2011-09-05T14:28:00.002+08:00

as the sun creeps gradually yet steadily
harboring behind skewed silhouettes
of concrete bodies, I mourn, whilst
unknowingly my fingers seam, scribbling
on thin air,"you were jubilent. you were
the every celebration when we held hands."

gray sessions

2010-11-15T11:05:00.004+08:00

brushing other skins left no affections that i could recall
maybe my longing is that bad after all

the path

2010-09-30T16:26:00.002+08:00

tell me,
if i were to head differently
would it be as blissful
if i were to choose that which was not chosen
would it be as delightful
and if i did not bet it all in
would it be as meaningful

?

no

safe and sound

2010-09-13T00:11:00.004+08:00

no need for regrets
for mistakes made yesterday.
the past is gone.
no looming fate,
no uncontrollable destiny.
no hunger, no sickness, no fear.
no death.
nothing ahead.
nothing behind.
just stillness.
light. warmth.
the pain i felt,
the pain i may have caused others,
it's behind me.
no looking back.
no fear of what will come.
just the pulse of time.
invigorating. soothing.
bask in your light,
taking comfort, knowing you are there.
safe and sound

-

2010-09-05T04:13:00.000+08:00

id rather write less than feel less

songbirds

2010-08-30T17:26:00.005+08:00

...theyve all went away.
im staying here
in case she shows up

the gentle blow

2010-08-21T10:48:00.003+08:00

for a moment there my heart dropped like autumn leaves, slowly, coldly. every colour around me bleached to pale. all beliefs in anything mystical and magic disappeared, vanished like the air in my lungs. yet i know this is the time to rejoice, to be happy, for you...

some facts are fictional

2010-08-11T00:01:00.003+08:00

he thought he could stand there for ever in the clean air amidst the haze, where every bit of crack on the uneven pavements that he could remember has its own meaning, and the bits of grass from the crevice she usually clumped, and the way that there's nobody there.

the favoured part in every play

2010-08-09T02:01:00.003+08:00

i am a distant spectator
and you are my subject of interest
the light amidst a mise-en-scène so serene

eventually

2010-08-03T18:05:00.003+08:00

and all the seeds that i have sowed
in all the dreams that i have worn
if one might come true eventually
i would grow old ever so gracefully
and i thought all it needs was faith
seems like everyone gets it wrong
once in a while...

body

2010-07-28T10:08:00.002+08:00

if love is water
i would drown when i am around you
if love is water
thinking of you would be like drifting in the sea
if love is water
i would be thirsty, fucking thirsty
when you are not with me

some tales are fickle...some are not

2010-07-13T02:38:00.002+08:00

i once heard that
when you like someone
it's like breathing fresh air
and every glance of her face
is a new day full of hope

sounds familiar

up, under, left and right

2010-07-08T23:34:00.010+08:00

everywhere i go
and everywhere i look
there are traces of you
in the music i hear
in the pictures i draw
in those empty rooms
if there is none
my mind would convince myself
that there is...
and all i could do
is concur and believe
even though sometimes
i'd try so hard to
not think of you
or at least not as much
as i am used to...
yet i still want to feel
how i always feel...
embraced, surrounded by you
or at least by those traces
that i grew accustomed to...
because you are everywhere
that's what i want
and don't want
to believe...

you are everywhere

good night,
dear up, under, left and right

thus

2010-06-26T07:43:00.006+08:00

your facet is my favourite picture and your voice is my favourite song

a hundred at a time

2010-06-11T04:55:00.003+08:00

i would peel the skin of apples for you
and oranges and even limes
i would keep a piggy bank to buy you presents
with each and every dime
i would read to you your favourite books
stories, poems and rhymes
and i would write you love notes and letters
a hundred at a time

if you let me...

stifled and slow

2010-06-08T15:02:00.007+08:00

there she was
and i was there
there she was
with all her glare

who would have thought
how cumbersome curiosity can be
and how it escalates like tides in the sea
till i became stifled and slow
till the only time i ever stopped
being curious of her was never ago

what might of been lost was found but not kept

2010-06-08T01:03:00.005+08:00

the day is coming in
this pouring rain is paradise
you couldn't ask for anything better
and so they say

in the meantime

2010-05-31T16:14:00.002+08:00

if that time comes
and it feels special...
i bet it wont be me
it would be you

condolence

2010-05-25T15:01:00.004+08:00

can you read my mind?

how soft things i see around you

how in a far away place i feel when i'm alone with you

how pretty and delicate i see the lines that compose you

and how hard this joyful plight for me to see pass through

can you read my mind, dear virtue?

recoil

2010-05-24T18:01:00.004+08:00

i tried
but i still end up here looking you in the eye...
maybe id rather bare the wait than lie

yearning sketch

2010-04-28T10:22:00.004+08:00

when those eyes blink

my massless body stutters

when those eyes blink

it'd open up like blooming flowers

when those eyes blink

a rain of ease and comfort showers

when those eyes blink

all things heavy hovers

when those eyes blink

my deepest gash recovers

phases

2010-04-21T02:31:00.001+08:00

i may someday adore someone else even more
but rest assured...not at all longer

all around me

2010-04-20T17:44:00.006+08:00

to hold closely that brief moment of joy you bring to me
is like cloaking oneself with a clear sheet of comfort that no one else could see
every creak of the floor is your voice
and every gentle whiff of air is your breath
hence i smile...and i couldn't stop smiling
with the thought of knowing you are all around me...

infinitely

summer

2010-04-16T05:20:00.004+08:00

your absence in me is like having four limbs crippled in snow...waiting a summer that would never seem to sky in. i long for you... i long for my summer.

faces

2010-03-29T00:56:00.002+08:00

listen, sometimes i wish i was a painter and all the faces around me are plain.

caress

2010-03-19T17:47:00.001+08:00

would you believe me if i tell you i was there beside you?

i know i wont.

cue and you

2010-03-19T07:29:00.006+08:00

sometimes when i stop to think
i could not help but to remind myself of you
how i wanted to give everything you'd want and
how i would be anything or anyone you'd ever ask me to
but if we ever get the chance to meet again
i would smile to you and remember
how all tingly you made feel
as if time stalled and went faster
all at the same time
and how it was so true

dementia

2010-03-18T03:22:00.006+08:00

what i like most about the beach is it washes away the trails we leave behind... the only thing missing is you at the other end waiting

respiratorial plight

2010-03-11T03:40:00.003+08:00

the last time i saw you
was the last time i breathed
like any man asphyxiated
i want to breathe again

bereft and forlorn

2010-03-10T04:22:00.009+08:00

hopes to me now are no more than a dying sun
so scarce for me a love that loves another one
with each grace in the world you bring
there's not an emptier song that i could sing...
...if my hand is not nestling in yours
if my sands are not laying in your shores

i have never wanted anything i couldn't have as much as this

as how a crescent moon awaits a perfect full
alas, time to me proves to be no less than cruel

harbinger

2010-02-26T03:55:00.003+08:00

life, some say, is about assurance
and reassurance
but if things do not go your way
i hope you would fall on softer ground
if not in my hands

bracelet

2010-02-15T07:18:00.004+08:00

i always thought that this feeling of longing is a form of amnesty.

a painful restitution for wanting you, what it really is.

i miss u, still

prior

2010-02-14T05:53:00.002+08:00

when he says "im ok" when actually hes not
and you can tell by his gestures
and the places he chooses to be
then you'll wonder what made him so wary
until you find his little brown book
and read the first entry that reads...
"if it means that much to you, i would"

satin skies

2010-01-28T13:57:00.001+08:00

but i saw a rainbow today...
i could have sworn it was you

different turn

2009-12-22T04:16:00.002+08:00

which way to breathe please tell me
i didn't catch you the first time

self-loathing

2009-12-11T04:47:00.001+08:00

it is far simpler to ignore than to forget
which is both too caustic and erratic
it is easier to shut down and sleep
than to turn around and weep

my gift to you is absence
and i wish the same in return
at least for now
when i am not thinking for myself

flakes

2009-12-10T03:46:00.007+08:00

your very existence is beautiful
the echo of your name
is like dropping color on a pale portrait

i cant even start to imagine a past without you

"take my hand," i wish repeatedly
like a broken record
we would make a more poignant future
you and i
we would make a path made of pebbles
you and i

i cant even start to imagine a past without you

this is really hurting me
being a ghost in my own haunting
i feel fit
to trade soul with the soulless
for there is no need for a soul
without the taste of you

until i become certain
i cant even start to imagine a past without you

third wish...and still counting

2009-11-26T04:06:00.005+08:00

i cant seem to convince myself that i would not trade anything to hear you breathe again. perhaps because i like how much it hurts missing you still.

ceremony

2009-11-25T00:43:00.015+08:00

i was home
i was holding your hand
and then your fingers
and then one finger
one after another
until i came
to the fourth finger
which then i wrapped
with a golden loop
with a diamond
that glittered on top
it was not the only thing
that was glittering
in your face
i saw two others
i stared mine at yours
deeply
and it was home
and i was there
it was last night
as i slept far off
it did not last
yet i was home (at last)

selama aku masih sanggup berjalan

2009-11-21T14:33:00.004+08:00

different places have lost its significance
time echoes as if it stands still
i can not reason like i used to anymore
yet favorably intricate details became simpler
and all things in limbo seem static

my hands are not as strong though
as how i cranked quandaries before
but there is still a spark of life left in me
that would shine as bright as the summer sky
when i see u smile

named after

2009-11-19T12:07:00.002+08:00

as i wake up i find myself a little deeper
it started like this;
i was spry before the rain
and the only reason for that
was you, being near

metaphor

2009-11-11T13:13:00.003+08:00

your crescent lips are the moon of my nights
whilst your glowing eyes are the sun of my days
and your hair is the wind that whiffs
the soft skin-like clouds on your face

pushing up daisies

2009-11-09T14:10:00.004+08:00

pull me out of this periphery
pull me distant from what i can't condone
i brood with each absence, with each empty moment
so i try to count faster, to make it easier
my hands are marked with yearning
when i try to catch a glimpse of you
now picture a leafless tree
then picture me

i barely knew the meaning of yesterday before i misplaced you

2009-11-06T03:09:00.000+08:00

i may never have the chance to tell you how wonderful you made me feel. so wonderful that it aches. so wonderful that it breaks.

resilience...or rather i be weak?

2009-11-05T04:33:00.016+08:00

i breathed in and all i gasp was air
i shout to repel all the things i could not bare
i tried to listen and all i heard was myself
an empty trembling voice that echoed itself
i convinced me of happiness but all i had was shame
i valiantly scaled summits and all i had left was a name
and fading memories all the same
i shouted my lungs out until the air was through
so i breathed in again and all i gasp was still you

you are the things i would not say, remember, reminisce, miss nor forget.

2009-11-01T07:27:00.007+08:00

as we turned us into a baffling rune
i have learnt to love you so soon

as i turned us into an endless wait
i have learnt to love you so late

and as time and fate whisper to me 'never'
i have learnt yet to love you forever

longing

2009-10-26T14:34:00.001+08:00

candy in my hand...
like how i first touched yours

quill

2009-07-10T02:03:00.007+08:00

i cant remember your face

yet your grace
how your hair interlaced
how it made me haste
every time i gazed...

...i remember still
clinging like a dead agapornis' quill

or maybe i do remember still

learning

2009-05-05T16:19:00.001+08:00

the giver of the beggars
the shelter for the drifters
the mender of the broken
the speaker for the unspoken

it is far too easy to fall for you
so teach me aptly the thought of not having

…or else take my hand

exit wound

2009-04-26T23:47:00.000+08:00

i wish i can tell you everything

when you smile, the world turns a shade brighter

2009-04-07T19:29:00.007+08:00

dear adored,

you did to me what only rainbows could do to others
you made me think about the thing that matters...
about finery
about beauty
about you...

better than counting petals

2009-04-06T20:54:00.001+08:00

I was thinking of you when a friend asked, “what’s in your mind?”
after a breath or two I replied with a quaint smile, “hope springs eternal...”

spaces

2009-04-05T06:46:00.002+08:00

i stole a little bit of you and bring it everywhere i flee.
or was it you who stole a little bit of me whilst leaving my chest empty?

the world is just a composition of lines and planes highlighting you

2009-03-17T04:39:00.007+08:00

he kept still and quiet tonight
overshadowed by a dim light
he speaks to me no more like the nights before
and the nights before that
neither a single word nor whisper
no stories about them, himself or her
not even a simple gesture,
just an empty stare, this man in the mirror

obtuse

2009-03-16T03:01:00.003+08:00

if you were every word I say
i’d opt to stay quiet for while
so I could miss you

since when can silence be so alarming?

2009-03-12T02:25:00.003+08:00

there are only two things in this world
you and everything else in it

but if only you could see me the way i see you

upon her i wonder

2009-03-05T18:00:00.006+08:00

an angel appears to me, this maiden
forever seems she was kept hidden
for only now i see her belatedly
as my breast, my heart sense agony

i curl whilst groping contemplation
my liken quickens hastier than my reactions
swallow fast this broth of heartrending
so i could clearly see path to an ending

halt, for I am not too sure
will a quiet parting resolve to a cure?
as these fissures of feelings worsen
the joy of her presence i dare not abandon

as bitter sweat skims on my cheek
yet...
her smile won’t allow the pores in my eyes to leak,
this maiden.

fetter

2009-03-05T02:39:00.000+08:00

i need to know
i need to be sure…
for everyday a cavity my heart grew
and it won’t stop until I’m through…

i need to know
i need to be sure…
and I need to be certain
that you are happy
so I could calmly flee
as I leave you be

like you
i am just God’s intervention

We are fillers to the blanks that we help create

2009-03-03T04:52:00.006+08:00

all I had to do was look away and run
like how I did before
ignore
but I didn’t
i could but I didn’t
and now these blanks are for you

i am counting spaces between me, this view and you

2009-03-02T23:43:00.003+08:00

i’m starting to feel a little less than nothing
hands clutched I am preparing
you’re leaving again like the nights before
and I know not what’s next in store
but then again

you deserve heaven over the earth…and me

sometimes roses are blue

2009-02-28T02:18:00.006+08:00

Did I tell you not how I admire your splendour?
Did I tell you not you’re the face in my every corner?

Did I tell you not how your sparkling eyes melt me?
Did I tell you not how I wish to make you happy?

No I did not…time will

sunset: sudden smile and gesture

2009-02-24T02:16:00.001+08:00

i hate the sea
cause i'll miss it
and you are no different

sunset: bolt from the blue

2009-02-24T02:13:00.002+08:00

tell me something
if this safe distance is so safe
then why is it not?

sunset: certainty would only hold you captive in quietness

2009-02-24T02:05:00.003+08:00

the ocean, the shores and the waves
are trying to tell me a story
a poignant one about a man
who wants to know the future
granted, he later learns
an ending he would never prefer
that there will never be a 'him and her'

nothing went well today except for our little conversation just now

2009-02-19T00:42:00.004+08:00

a penny in my pocket
two bucks in my wallet
and you in my heart

the day i fell for you is a day towards forever

2009-02-13T13:25:00.005+08:00

no matter how hard I try to
disregard you
resent you
and rail against you...
inside, these feelings creep
whilst Im about to close my eyes to sleep
I would then sigh and moan in sorrow
over the fact that I will still adore you tomorrow

ever misplaced something, got upset, and later on found out that its in ur hand?

2009-02-08T04:18:00.004+08:00

lend me your voice
so i could sleep soundly

complimenting fate

2009-02-02T17:21:00.004+08:00

Each and every time I stand restless behind this ambiguous line
which I ever so hesitantly shouldn't cross…
refraining this urge, I constantly remind myself,

“Enough now…”

thee shall not fade, for time is timeless

2009-01-23T16:00:00.005+08:00

thou art so gentle with thine grace
i'd savor thee with each passing
and upon all the benches i have sat
none that i have forgotten so reluctantly
than the ones that i shared with thee
hence, shall i compose from it...
...a collection of thy sweetest memeory?

staring a blank page

2009-01-23T15:16:00.001+08:00

agitated

2009-01-21T02:46:00.002+08:00

can’t sleep
another glass of water perhaps
shifting channels;
fabricated facts and pitiable glee…
they bore me

still can’t sleep
another glass of water perhaps
picked a book
been reading the same line 10 times now
can’t concentrate

still can’t sleep
another glass of water perhaps
staring his shit
o yea…cats can’t clean their own dump
too lazy to favor

still cant sleep
another glass of water perhaps
wait…

glasses of water…
to take my mind off of her?
yeah right

i (always) hope she wakes up smiling

2009-01-18T07:04:00.002+08:00

she's my pastime and she's my habit
she is the only moon in my orbit

aspirational moments

2009-01-18T01:36:00.001+08:00

i want people around me happy
no war no pain nor poverty
i want a world where there’s no greed
where poor people can meet their needs
i want pure freedom in making choices
i want the oppressed to be given voices
i want to make my mother proud
cause when she cries, my heart tares out
i want chances to make up for and explain,
and redeem myself for the grudges that remain
i want my friends to never forget me
because dying alone means leaving empty
i want the earth to be greener
and hoping human would be less meaner
i wish future children would be healthier
and not having to pay for our mistake made prior
i want to be a peasant more thankful
for sometimes I forget how to be grateful
i want to do unexpected things
i want to travel to where my heart brings
i want to learn and understand
feel, experience and comprehend
i want to look up to foreign skies
look into novel unfamiliar eyes
i want to feed my curiosity
i want new worlds to teach me
i want to meet new people
and grasp the lore of being humble
i want to step on strange new lands
and I want the chance to hold her hands

swings and slides

2009-01-15T17:48:00.001+08:00

it was late
and a little windy
the clouds were so dark...
...the sky was empty
no stars to talk to
only fake ones downhill…
…from houses and buildings
and street lamps and lightings
the cold winds that chilled,
they hindered 'other' thoughts
from coming in.
the spaces beside me were emptying
till I sat alone in my car
writing and wanting
and wondering…what was she doing

the past is only over our shoulder and a heartbeat behind.

2009-01-10T15:42:00.000+08:00

Will I ever stop whimpering of precedent pains I’ve went through?
They seem to know me better than I do. I long for changes, to move on, to forget things. But how could i?

So for now…

…I’ll just wish for rainbows and flower-filled meadows,
sunny days, clear skies …no haste just laze…
…watching butterflies flutter…from flower to flower…
…with you.

trying to see through walls that are not there

2009-01-08T23:33:00.001+08:00

bila terungkai sikap, sifat dan segalanya
hanya melalui bingkai-bingkai bicara
yang dengki kadangkala
kita akan berhenti bernafas seketika

cuba mencapai apa yang kita rasa ada...
di depan kita.

meaningless

2009-01-05T15:09:00.000+08:00

the very first time I saw you
you stood out like red in a canvas of blue
like a child’s dream that came true

you were…
like a lush tree in a middle of a sand dune
like silence broken by a kind tune

the very first time I saw you
your eyes glisten like raindrops on a leaf
and so does your hair to my belief

yet it was all meaningless…

it was meaningless until I really knew you
and how your first few verses made my heart grew

anticipating

2009-01-05T00:51:00.000+08:00

i love the sound of oceans

it thaws me out

and in a way convince me...

that there’s still some parts of me

that are still alive...

saturday, come quickly

3 lazy sips

2009-01-03T00:28:00.000+08:00

its already 12 and my hands are still shaking
1 sip, 2 sips... 3 lazy sips

the air is cold tonight
colder than it's supposed to be... i guess

whose to blame?
i am?
maybe...
maybe not.

happy new year, December
along your predecessor...
...you i'll always remember{noktah}

...i envy them too

2008-12-21T08:14:00.000+08:00

as i envy the winds that caress your skin
i could imagine how honored and jubilent
the clinging leaves feel for the chance to shade you.

the pavements, walkways and passages
that greets your every step... i envy them too.

how lucky the walls around you
if i could echo your voice like they do,...
i could sing myself to sleep
like how lullabies do.
and yes i envy them too.

murdered

2008-12-18T05:33:00.000+08:00

if pure beauty kills, you'd be my murderer...

and she went by gracefully...

2008-12-17T16:01:00.000+08:00

i surrender happiness to make someone else happy.
and as im doing that, i'll be watching my own happiness...
go pass by me.

..................................

i yielded remorse for i've made someone else happy.
and as i was doing that, i watched my own happiness...
went pass by me.

and she went by gracefully...

everything reminds me of you

2008-12-16T18:59:00.000+08:00

even a slight thought of u in my mind

could make me happy

but a slight thought of me in ur mind

would make me even happier

reminiscing

2008-12-12T18:25:00.000+08:00

i miss waking up in the morning,
rushing to work, running to catch my train.
i miss the long lines that kept me waiting
and often made me late. I miss the faces of tired drones
in the train forced to bare another day.
i miss that nasi lemak i often ate in the pantry
each time when i came in early. i miss hating alex for
each n every word he said. i miss feeling agitated each time
i had to stay back late. i miss the feeling
of despise when completing a rigorous task they gave.
i miss sleeping in the dark corner while
pretending that im working. and i miss the sweet
glimpse of her that i took when she came by passing.

rampant... still

2008-12-12T08:17:00.001+08:00

a gift...

yet rampant still

rampant

2008-12-12T01:39:00.000+08:00

these walls...
theyre caving in

maybe i am not the man i thought i was

this room...
it sucks
plain and punishing

this urge...
it sucks
fain and demeaning

in due time?
just a phase?
a mistake, a gift, a maze?

rampant...

a reverie so serene

2008-12-10T18:08:00.000+08:00

last night i had a dream
a dream wondrously woven
about how i kept her warm
how i kept her calm

in this vivid dream
we were winsomely alone
yes, i kept her warm
n i hummed her a psalm

though i did all i can to keep this dream
still further away her presence it seemed
as the dream fades my heart dissassembled
the dimmer she was the more that i trembled

"come back, dream," i said.
"be absolute instead..."

a reverie so serene,...
so pleasent yet mean

hence i lay here stagnant,
wide awake, eyes closed...

if...

2008-12-10T07:27:00.000+08:00

if i was a poem
you'd be the words
that shape me

if i was a song
you'd be the melody
that sings me

if i was a garden
you'd be the flowers
that embellish me

if i was the sun
you'd be the radience
that shines me

if i was a picture
you'd be the colours
that fill me

if i was anything else
you'd be the existance
that made me

yet i am only i
nothing more n nothing less...
and you are the dream
that haunts me...so sweetly

astounded

2008-12-09T18:07:00.001+08:00

a flower so delicate...
with crowning petals u stood so perfect
i am astounded

a flower so delicate...
with charming colors u hold me static
i am astounded

you're a poet's desire and dream...
a lucky charm, an enchanting whim
you're what a perfectionist craves for...
to keep, to hold, to love and to adore

each and every glimpse of u
makes my senses tingle...
o how i wish to hold u,
touch u and mingle

if all flowers were as pretty as u...
a heaven on earth would easily come true.

a flower so delicate...
you're the most beautiful flower that ever bloomed.

0405

2008-12-09T05:29:00.001+08:00

with skin so soft
and eyes so flawless...
my soul is aloft
when its you i witness

your rosy cheeks
and graceful hair...
is more than what
my mind could bare...

the sky turns pale
it's pleasing no more...
when thoughts of you
i try to ignore...

each time i think of u
my heart skips a beat...
and each time i try not to
my limbs go numb and weak...

the calming sound of gentle raindrops...
the warmth of the sun piercing the trees...
the blissful breeze of the morning air...
the pleasent sight of sparkling seas...

yet nothing compares to the thoughts of you.
but still, theres nothing more that i can do.

and so i watch you from afar............